When does the guilt end, or get better?

I am a mother of a very sassy, and very very smart preschool little girl. My daughter is 4 and has the intelligence and mindset of a 6-7 year old. I have learned, that being ahead of the game is just as much as a curse as it is a blessing (I know how harsh that sounds).She goes to her father’s house every other weekend for an extended weekend (Thurs—Mon). And as much as I hate saying this.. by Tuesday or Wednesday, I am READY for her to go. I need peace. I need quiet. I need ME TIME. I need to do things that I cannot do with her present. I need a day to where I am not nagged by 1,000 questions in an hour. I need a moment to breathe and not wait hand and foot on a tiny human for a few days.But y’all. The second she leaves on Thursday, I feel empty. I don’t feel whole. I feel lost. I feel a sudden rush of sadness and guilt take over me. I constantly badger myself with the questions of.. did I have enough patience these past two weeks? Was I too stern or too lenient? Did I let her walk all over me, or does she feel like I walked all over her? Did I teach her something new? Does she FEEL loved even though I know I said it 10x a day?By Saturday, I’m fine. I know she’ll be home in two days, and I’m usually in catchup mode with household chores. But Thursday and Friday is a gut-wrenching pain.This may or may not be normal. I know a bit of it stems from the fact that her father is a “Disney World Dad”. It’s alllll the fun at his house with absolutely no discipline, and unfortunately I can’t change that right now. I can’t make a grown man do something he doesn’t want to do.. and I think I am a little bit jealous of that. I’m jealous that he’s not the bad guy sometimes. I’m jealous that it’s always fun and games on his weekends. Look, we have fun and games too when she’s with me.. but when discipline sets in.. y’all understand what I mean. He’s a great dad, but he is not a full-time hands on dad, and there is a difference.When does this guilt and feeling end? Will it ever end? What can I do better for myself and my daughter? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LM5w7y