This might be some emotional word vomit. I am really in my head at the moment as I rock my little one to sleep.I (23f) am a single mother of a 3(f) and an 8mo(f). I had to move out and a state away from my kids' father for a really complicated and tiring reason. I'd rather not go into detail about that, but things got severely toxic and I ended up leaving when things got dangerous while 6 months pregnant with my second baby. I now live with my dad and my two brothers as I work on sorting my shit together.Anyway, onto why I'm struggling: my oldest used to be so sweet and so empathetic. She loved to read and loved her family. She rarely threw tantrums and used good manners even at 1. She's also EXTREMELY intelligent. She learned all her colors, shapes, numbers 0-20, and over 50 animals by 18 mos. Her language development was (and is still) insane.Now I dont judge how good a child by their manners or how much information they can retain, but she just blew my mind every day. Super loving AND smart. What a kid.Basically the day she turned 2, she did a complete 180⁰. And of course I know the terrible twos and blahs blah blah. I know what is and isn't developmentally appropriate for kids. I work in a low-income daycare and did work in a psych hospital for a long time.She started with the weird sleeping patterns. She'd take hours to fall asleep no matter how tired she was. She would make falling asleep for nap a massive task, but if she didn't nap, she would fall apart by around 4pm. And when she would finally fall asleep, she'd sometimes wake up more than she did as a newborn. And when she wakes up she doesn't cry, she screams. Just blood-curdling, angry screeches. We sleep in the same room so I still dont know if this has anything to do with itShe throws awful tantrums about literally anything. Not even just if I tell her no or something that a normal toddler would throw a tantrum about. She screams for 45 mins-1 hr for something as minor as me sitting in a different spot on the sofa. Or someone other than me holding her sister. Or when someone touches me for any reason at all (like when my brother hugs me). She screams at people when the walk in the room.She's perfectly pleasant to strangers. She's chatty and extroverted and loves to go outside. She loves the store, the park, the dr, and basically anywhere where there are people she doesn't know well.I'm constantly having to tell her no. I don't mean I tell her no a lot. I mean I CONSTANTLY have to tell her no and redirect her. She flings food, dumps drinks, squeezes out lotion, pees on the floor and plays with it, breaks bracelets and spreads then everywhere. Squeezes out diaper cream. She loves a good mess. I don't leave her unsupervised very often and when i do it's to do something like go pee or run and get something from my car. I am a single mom.She does not listen to direct, simple orders. She won't eat much and when she does it's like she can't sit down for more than a minute at most. I have to redirect her constantly and tell her what to do every minute and it's exhausting. I know it's crappy for her too.She can be such a sweet child but something just feels so off. About once a week she has a screaming fit (tantrum doesn't feel like the right word). And it's literally just her screaming at the top of her lungs while I hug/hold her body against me until she wears herself out and falls asleep or just sits.She used to be very empathetic and loved talking about and recognizing people's emotions and then talking about how it made her feel. But now she doesn't care if she hurts others feelings. At school she seems perfectly fine, but at home is a different story.She injures herself easily and frequently. We've already had one busted eyebrow with stitches, one broke wrist, one dislocated wrist, one mild concussion, one sprained ankle, and of course never ending bruises and scrapes. I have proper fitting shoes, i tested her vision, and I constantly tell her to slow down. I'm constantly afraid people will think that I hurt her, but I would never. I have tried spanking at my aunt's suggestion (she has her master's in child clinical psychology). But that feels wrong and like it's damaging her even further. I'm at a complete loss. Right now we just do timeout but it's a battle of wills just to keep her in timeout for the 3 mins I put her there.I know i am leaving things out. I am just so overwhelmed with the constant enormous task of raising my kids while just surving my first. I love her but I am so burnt out. I feel like I've tried everything. We have been referred to an ENT, we're doing a sleep study, we got referred to a child psychiatrist but they don't accept her age, so we just have to wait a few years. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3d9yIlV
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