Monday, February 1, 2021

Stuck in the Middle between Partner and Children.


I have 3 children (14,10,6). I have been with my partner for 3 years now. Issues we have are with disciplining children and their chores. One issue is the way my oldest is doing his chore with the dogs. The two oldest pick up our 2 dogs poop. It is quite substantial because they are extra large breed. To maintain it clean they pick up the poop daily except on the days they are away at their dads house. The oldest had forgotten on a couple occasions to put away the poop bags so the dogs ended up making a mess destroying and littering the bags all over the yard. To combat this they had to ask and return the bags. Yet he forgot once again so I took his phone away for a day. I felt it was harsh but my partner felt it wasn’t. One of the agreements is that receive money for their chores. However, we started giving them less money if they didn’t keep up with them. But my partner said they broke the agreement by forgetting to complete them occasionally so they should continue to do them without pay ever again. Once again I felt this was too harsh. Especially the picking up the poop. What should be the incentive of just them picking up the poop. It is part of their responsibility but I feel like my Partner should help if they’re not going to get paid because he was the main one who wanted to get dogs. He even complained that he doesn’t get help to push the trash cans in yet my kids take out the trash in the house daily. I do the cooking, dishes and the laundry. My partner feeds the dogs, the fish (his hobby), and carwork, and fixing things around the house. He also got upset with me because the oldest forgot to untie a dog from watering the grass because she won’t stay away from the water and will get herself drenched. He gets upset with me for not punishing them for forgetting to put their cup away. I just remind them to put it away instead. I can’t punish them for every single thing. Then my youngest refused to get dropped off at school because she was scared to get in trouble because she forgot her backpack at home. He has given her the silent treatment for three weeks. He loves and adores his nephews in his eyes they’re perfect and can do no wrong. He is always on me to monitor my kids screen time but they hardly use any. My oldest gets three hours a day on the phone, my middle gets one hour of tablet and the youngest uses no tablet. They do not watch tv daily. When they do they take turns using it or take turns deciding what they will watch. Yet he never says anything about his nephews who have unlimited amounts of screen time. The oldest nephew will play video games all day until late at night. The toddler has no bedtime and watches at least 3 hours of tv and 2 hours or more of tablet a day. I feel like he is being unfair to me and my children. He thinks it’s cute and endearing when the toddler misbehaves or throws things and has so much patience for him and his brother. It’s getting to the point where I don’t resent his nephews but I resent him when he shares things about them. Like if he says look how cute or look at this picture. Because he doesn’t connect with me like that when I talk about my kids. I feel like I can’t be free to express my love for my kids. I don’t know how to all about this with him anymore. Things weren’t like this before. Before he used to be affectionate with the younger one. He still spends a lot of time with the oldest and middle children. He will play with them hang out with them talk with them and teach them things. How would I approach this? What would be a more effective way of discipline them? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2MIKXNp

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