Tldr: some sh*t little imp has replaced our lovely daughter after the birth of our second baby, and we are looking for effective coping strategies.We have a toddler who is 3y2m. Our relationship with her has always been great, we mostly follow attachment parenting - we discuss, negotiate, (try to) set compassionate limits & boundaries, and don't do traditional discipline/punishment. We're not experts at this approach, but it has worked well for us nonetheless, producing a highly self-directed, independent minded child. She's sensitive and willful/stubborn, but disagreements were usually ironed out in a mutually respectful way, she is very advanced verbally and reasons/negotiates to solve problems, so we usually could reach compromise on most issues.We just had our 2nd child 10 weeks ago. We did what we could to mentally prepare #1, and she spent months before the birth dressing up her stuffed animals in baby grows, babying them, etc.With the #2's arrival, the situation has deteriorated. Clearly, #1 is jealous of #2, even though #2 is quite low maint, sleeping most of the day, just waking up every couple of hours to smile at people and to eat, and going back to sleep efficiently. When at home, #1 now mostly pretends to be a baby, or babies her stuffed toys, with affected baby behaviours. We acted as neutrally as we could at first, as we realise this is a common phase, but now it has crossed every line, with unreasonable requests, yelling, crying, peeing on the floor 'because I'm a baby' (she has been in grownup pants since 2yo) and much more. #1 mostly ignores number #2, so at least there is no direct abuse, but the jealousy is apparent at the edges of her behaviour.She bounces between jekyll and hyde moments, with aggression, throwing, and hitting, none of which we had ever had before. Mostly while wearing a gleeful grin plastered on her face, and being one wrong word away from exploding. We're now at several 'toddler' meltdowns a day ("wrong spoon- aaaah"...) - used to be one a month, before, if that many. She also used to be able to spend several hours a day on her own projects, mainly building things, or looking at books (being read to as well). Now her attention is unfocused, she starts something, makes a mess, and quits 10 minutes in (or starts screaming that something isn't working), so the amount of free/recharge/work time that we parents have available to us has dropped by hours per day.Bedtime is the worst. Refuses to sleep in her own bed, but in our bed as soon as reading is over, she starts doing acrobatics, jumping, kicking with solipsistic abandon, then when challenged dissolves into tears and makes promises to reform that are immediately abandoned. We never had an easy time with sleep with her, but bedtime has slipped by 2+ hrs (to after 10pm), and the amount of work & frustration involved is untenable.In short, some sh*t little imp has replaced our daughter. The direction of travel seems to be towards where imps live, and we are wrung out at the end of the day, and getting desperate, as well as spending hours a day fulminating mad, while maintaining an outwardly compassionate demeanor.We also just feel terrible for the emotional struggles she's going through, and that the tremendous daily learning progress she was making before #2 arrived has come to a complete halt, and been replaced by constant emotional strife and baby-like behaviours.Looking for advice and just people's experiences of sibling arrivals, and how they dealt with them. We are on the waiting lists of some good kindergartens, and talking to a nanny/helper to take #1 one or two days per week. Not certain if that's a good idea right now or not. Unfortunately no relatives nearby to help. When she is out of the house e.g. at a museum (which are thankfully now open again), she acts mostly normal, so it's not like she is suffering from some neurological incapacity, just complete emotional incontinence, which sympathy and understanding doesn't seem to be effective against. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3cEVeE6
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