Being my son’s mom is absolutely amazing, but often, even in the good moments, it’s so hard. It’s hard from the very beginning of their lives. Birth is definitely hard. It’s definitely worth it, but definitely hard. It’s hard to hold it together and smile when all you really wanna do is break down & cry. It’s hard to have an aching body yet still go hard for your kids because they deserve a responsible parent. And honestly, for me, the hardest part is him not truly knowing how much I love him. Kids just can’t simply understand it all. They don’t understand how much this love is & how big it truly is. It’s heart breaking to have your child not understand the depths of your love. I know this is part of it & I know he loves me so much. It’s the best & most pure love I’ve ever experienced. I’ve busted my ass lately. I feel like I’ve been working hard this past year, but more so these past few months to truly understand that he can’t fully understand. Great respect & appreciation come from someone who understands just how worthy of that a person is & I crack jokes like “it’s gonna be such a good day when you ca understand it all & know how good you have it.” I know he just can’t understand just how much I have and do sacrifice for him daily. I say it’s a sacrifice, but then again this is right where I want to be. Even in the moments when he’s honestly making me sad from not understanding all that I do for him and the price I have to pay to make that happen, this is still right where I want to be. To him I just go to work & come home and that’s money for him to be able to ask for toys. He doesn’t understand it’s a painful job that makes me physically sore every single day. He doesn’t understand that I’m pregnant and I have to buy his baby sister things that she absolutely needs too. He doesn’t understand how much pain I’m in sometimes when I do spend time with him or do everything that needs to be done around the house. He doesn’t understand that sometimes I’m just sick & barely holding on, but he’s so worth it. I just wish he could understand how much I love him & how bad I feel when I don’t get it right. I’m not complaining. Just saying that, honestly, none of that matters in the end because it’s such a deep love. I absolutely love his innocence, but some days, especially when it’s very difficult, I just wish he could understand just how difficult this life is and just how much I love him. I will say that I’m very proud of myself for not being so angry with him over this. It’s not his fault, or any child’s fault, for not grasping the depths of the love we have for them. Maybe that’s what makes it so deep. Is that we love human beings day in and day out who think we’re so strong & brave & amazing and equipped to handle ANYTHING, when honestly, we get so scared too and we get so sad about it all. Being a single mother, that’s all I’ve ever wanted is for my son to think I’m so brave so that he will be so brave too & he has been and I’m so proud of him. It just hurts sometimes to be disregarded & to be made out to be stronger than I truly am. I’m glad my son does look at me as someone whose strong enough to handle it all, but sometimes it’s just plain hard being strong. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZTkYqJ
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