I'm on my knees and just so exhausted. I know I'm in a better position than a lot of people but as a first time mum it's hitting me hard. I had my baby 3 weeks before lockdown, I had reduced movements so went to get checked out at the hospital only to find myself being rushed into the theatre for an emergency c section. My baby spent a week in NICU so when we were allowed home we spent a bit of time as a new family of 3 before allowing visitors. We had 1 week of having family over to visit before we were suddenly on our own again. My husband was able to work from home.The first 6 weeks my baby refused to be put down at all so me and my husband slept in shifts. As he had to work I was awake all night with my son sleeping on my chest and he was able to manage a sleepy newborn during the day waking me after an hours sleep for a 1 hour duration breastfeeding. I don't remember a lot about then except waking up in a panic after dreaming I had fell asleep with my baby on my chest and not being able to find them in the quilt, only to realise my husband had the baby downstairs.After spending 12hours a day nursing it was too painful to keep breastfeeding and there was nowhere to ask for help. I cried when I gave up breastfeeding. I tried to express every time my baby had a bottle of expressed milk but spending 20minutes pumping every other hour wasn't possible as it meant having to leave my baby crying as I couldn't hold him at the same time. I cried again when I couldn't give my baby my milk that way. It made my baby have severe wind and stomachaches switching between formula and breast milk so we ended up fully formula fed. I cried again as my milk dried up.Somehow we got into a routine and my baby started sleeping in a next to me crib and I started getting a little more sleep.My baby seems to be a high maintenance baby. Even though I'm a first time mum I have been heavily involved with my nieces and nephew and never experienced this level of neediness. A car journey seems to rile my baby up instead of sending him to sleep. He cries immediately after a bottle for more even though when I give him more it's too much and makes him sick it takes him a while to realise his belly is full. I've never managed to feed him until he is milk drunk. He will scream when laid down in our arms and fights naps with a vengeance. His scream is piercing and his face goes bright red, I'm honestly impressed with how long he can scream for before taking a breath. It's not reflux or pain related as lay him in the play gym or to change a nappy and he flails his arms and legs around in a good mood.The 4 month sleep regression has now hit and he wakes every half an hour to an hour during the night but luckily it's a case of popping the dummy back in for him to go to sleep. My husband can no longer look after our son whilst working from home as the baby just demands too much attention wanting to be played with. I struggle to keep him quiet whilst my husband makes important phone calls.My family all mingle now as if there was no pandemic. My husband's family too. We are constantly asked when can they hold our baby and it breaks my heart every time I have to say no. I'm desperate for some help. I'm desperate for a break for only a few hours. I'm desperate for a cuddle with my mum and my sister. I cry when I think that my baby doesn't know his family. I'm worried his social development is being effected as I know research has pointed out at so much being learnt in those first 6 months. He's never seen another baby.My friends don't have babies and don't understand why I don't answer texts for days at a time. They are pressuring me to join them for lunch now restaurants are re opening but don't understand the fear of passing anything on to my baby, or not being well enough myself to look after him. My husband returns to the office to work in 2 weeks and I'm terrified. Our baby still hasn't learnt how to sleep and I'm already struggling with tiredness headaches and feeling physically sick from exhaustion. Without my husband home to distract our son on his dinner breaks I will struggle to get myself a drink or something to eat. I won't be able to have any family to help me when my husband returns to work due to social distancing laws and the fact most family members have jobs which put them into contact with a lot of people. I can't risk seeing my baby on a ventilator again.I apologise for the long post but I'm just so scared and so very tired. I'm trying my best but I never expected to be quite so alone without any support be that professional or from family or friends. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3fJYJIX
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