Disclaimer: I realize that not everyone will share my concerns/thoughts regarding certain products or items. Every kid and parent is different. My preferences are largely shaped by my own experiences, fears, etc. None of the preferences expressed below are a judgement on the way someone else chooses to be a parent.MIL wants to buy stuff for our daughter. For small items, it’s not an issue. However, the issue begins when MIL shows up at our house with something I had previously expressed concern about (usually re: safety or development). I don't know if she just forgets my feelings, if my husband gave her permission without my knowledge, if they're in cahoots, or what. But these situations make me feel 1) immense pressure to accept this item 2) irritation that more crap is in our house 3) and anger that my feelings/concerns were disregarded.The first time this happened, she had asked us several times if we wanted her to bring a dock-a-tot pillow. We said no thanks bc we had safety concerns. She brought it anyway. Second time, she asked if we wanted some bouncers. We said no thanks, we've got one we love and we are trying to limit the amount of “stuff.” She brought them anyway. The most recent one is a jumper. My husband and I had many discussions re my concerns with these jumpers but we agreed to ask our pediatrician and defer to her expertise. That was yesterday and the doc said stationary jumpers were cool, but we kept that info between the two of us so we could do some research and find one we were comfortable with. MIL was also visiting yesterday and low and behold, she brought a jumper with tons of lights and sounds (I do not love the toys with the lights/sounds)! I later learned husband and MIL had a conversation a few days prior to the appt where she asked him if we wanted a jumper (she had been encouraging this repeatedly for a couple weeks) and he said we were on the fence and had some concerns. He said he was just as surprised that she brought the jumper. This same pattern keeps happening. We say we don't want this thing because we have XYZ concerns, she ignores it and brings it anyway, and then I just have to roll over and accept this thing I don't want or have major concerns about. I am so irritated that my feelings and concerns are disregarded.He doesn't understand my anger and it is making me question whether I'm being an inflexible, paranoid a-hole. He says she just wants to do something nice for us and what's the harm in sending them back with her if decide we don't want them (that has not happened once bc I have always caved). She is a very kind person and I want her to be able to spoil her granddaughter, but why the hell do these things keep ending up in our house when we tell her we don't want them? Granted, she and my husband have repeatedly said "if you don't like it, I can just take it back" and maybe I should just take that at face value, but it puts me in this awkward position where I'm the a-hole who says no. It feels like a trap. My husband wants her to be able to "speak her love language" and give us whatever gifts she wants. I’m thinking, how is giving someone something they explicitly DON'T want, an expression of love?This jumper is now a vessel for all my resentment and anger. I want her to take it back. But that means we'd purchase a new jumper (one that I prefer) rather than just accept this free one. I know it’s stupid and irrational to give it back and then buy another, but I don't want to keep encouraging this thing where we say no thanks but then she brings it anyway. I also am paranoid that they are having these secret talks where they agree she'll just bring item XYZ and "WTFspaghettibrain will eventually come around" like I'm some sort of idiot who needs to be acclimated or handled with kid gloves. I don’t understand how my feelings about these items have not mattered to either of them. I need help understanding if this is a fight worth fighting or if I'm just being an ingrate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3e7nfW7
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