I feel like a failure

I feel like I’m failing my child and my family. He is 4 and a half. I also have a 4 month old baby. Every day I try to not be upset with him but I end up getting mad at him and then I stop talking to him. I see now he is beginning to not care anymore. My husband keeps correcting me or telling me what I am doing wrong and even though I know he’s right I become resentful. He tells me to not linger any issue but talk to the kid and make him understand. My son never sits to even listen to me. I might as well be a stray dog barking. The fact that my husband never accepts anything is wrong about his conduct aggravates me even more.I try very hard to carve out some time for the elder one after he comes back from his school and to make some snacks for him and then do some study with him in between the constant diaper changes and feeding sessions of the baby.My husband says I don’t spend enough time with the older one and when I do I’m angry or upset. It makes me guilty and angry at the same time. I try so hard to not be angry but he just pushes all my buttons over and over. And I feel horrible later. I resolve to do better the next day but the cycle continues.Examples of things he does - come out of the washroom without washing his hands after a potty and telling me he has. If I ask him if he would like to eat something just be like “yes no yes no” forever or until I yell and ask him to tell me. Pick random things from the backyard and put in his mouth I guess it’s all typical toddler behavior. He’s just so much better with his Dad and I just feel hurt he treats me like trash. My husband thinks it’s all in my head, I don’t know how I can get out of this. I am making everyone in my family suffer with my behavior. I feel like a total colossal failure and worry that I am straining my relationship with my son forever. Please help me do right by him, I love him so much, I don’t want him to be a stranger via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/35sPitT