Bedtime woes and burnout

Whew. Things have been rough for us the past...6 months. My daughter is 3.5 years old, and refuses to lay down/rest, even though she is EXHAUSTED. She's always been a great sleeper (would lay her down in her crib and she'd just roll over and fall asleep). A month before her third birthday, she just started having trouble sleeping. We had weaned her from a pacifier (she was using it just for sleeping at night), but after a few nights she started to do fine. Flash forward, the regression is real. She literally will not lay down without screaming, crying, flailing, and spitting in her bed.My husband and I have tried so much and NOTHING is helping. We've tried delaying bedtime, but she gets overtired. We've tried bedtime sooner, but she just just cries longer. We've tried shortening naps, lengthening naps, removing naps. We've lengthened our bedtime routine, shortened our bedtime routine, let her have more choices, less choice. We've tried sticker charts with rewards, quietly leading back to bed until she gets the hint, letting her cry (she just screams for mommy and spits frantically on the bed/pillow.We've tried a color changing clock to indicate bedtime and wake time. We've tried allowing quiet time in room if she doesn't sleep, but she just leaves her room to find us. We've tried making bedtime rules together. We've resorted to bribery and giving her m&Ms on nights that she falls asleep well.Thanks is all made worse by the fact that she wants nothing to do with her father, and I'm the only one that can provide any comfort. If her father comes near her, he's yelled at, hit and kicked (she also hits and kicks me), he can't even look at her without her screaming at him.She's started having overnight accidents, which is no big deal, but she's also started having what seems like behavioral accidents when we try to day goodnight. She'll pee minutes after we leave the room, although she always pees as part of bedtime routine, and does not seem to show remorse, it seems like she just knows it's a way to prolong awake time and get attention.I know there's more, but I'm seriously at my wits end. I have no idea what to do and I am having so much trouble staying calm. We currently start bed routine around 6:45, and hope to leave the room by 7:15, which turns to screaming until at least 7:45, and she eventually passes out from pure exhaustion between 8-9pm. We have to go to bed early because we get up at 5:30/6 and she generally had been refusing naps, so she needs the sleep.Sorry for the novel. I had to rant/seek advice. It's 1:30 am, and though she's sleeping, her dreams are full of her sleep-screaming at us for not wanting to sleep, wanting to do X/Y/Z, etc. And I'm so tired and I hate this so much I just want to vent. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2UDjVuZ