Stepdaughter calls her mother by her first name??

My husband and I have had primary care of his 8 year old daughter for the last three years. Her biological mother is neglectful and abusive. I love this child 'H' as my own and she knows it. She accepted me from day one, like it wasn't a big deal to her. Just shrugged it off and acted like we always knew each other, really. I was the only SO in my husband's life after the split and it was honestly quite quick. H knew they were unhappy and so even that young I think she was just pleased to be able to see her dad and to see him happy. She is very bright. He stayed with his ex while being abused and used by her because he was fooled into thinking that was what was best for H, when clearly a toxic household isnt. My husband, H, and I have kept an open dialogue about feelings, boundaries, and the right to make other people uncomfortable or unhappy sometimes. She can be a people pleaser, which can worry me, but honestly most things do. She doesn't advocate for herself. I had asked her early on if it bothered her when strangers mistake me as her mother in public. She said no. I always made it clear that it was ok to correct them if she wanted to and told her I would correct for her if it made her feel better. She didn't feel the need. I have openly expressed to her that I will put her needs first, be whoever she needs me to be, and that it's ok for those feelings to change for any reason. Both my husband and I have made it clear that she should feel no guilt for her love for me nor guilt for any feelings that she may fear would be hurtful to me. She sees through her biological mother and it's a struggle, but we make a point to be age appropriate in discussions about it, while being fairly honest, and yet not critical of her biological mother. Which, honestly, is pretty hard with the tougher questions. We mainly just encourage her to stand up for herself, including to us. She started calling my parents her grandparents directly like my mom is Gram. It was surprising and honestly a little awkward at first, but we didn't really do anything. She just started it and we didn't encourage, discourage, or comment. She is close with them and they also love her as their own. She is the only grandchild. She calls me by my first name, we don't do miss or anything. We have never encouraged her to call me anything else in anyway. She does refer to my husband and I as her parents and expresses a great dislike for the stigma/ stereotype of evil stepmother's since we have such a good relationship. She has always called her biological mother, 'mommy' which obviously doesn't hurt my feelings at all. My husband and I refer to her by her first name instead of mommy. I'm not sure it was even an intentional thing like we don't see her as that, though I honestly don't. I don't feel that blood or birth makes you a parent. A parent loves their child unconditionally, keeps them safe, and wants the best for them. Her biological mother never has. I have not expressed this with her, but we have talked about untraditional families before. After coming home from her last visitation, H has started calling mommy by her first name when speaking about her to us. I brought it up to my husband who isn't talkative and he didn't say a thing. Just a surprised look. Should we be concerned? Should I question it to H? As much as I love this child, I never want her to feel pressured in our relationship or to think that it would please us to reject her biological mother in any way. It wouldn't. I struggle with finding peace knowing I can't protect H from being hurt by her biological mother and I would absolutely love a mature and healthy co-parenting relationship where we can all simply put H first, but I know it's not going to change. I'm sure that it's incredibly painful for her biological mother to see someone step into her life and to be so loved by her daughter. I see other families so somehow manage this level of maturity I know we will never reach where everyone is just glad for more people to love their child. I've told H that love is not a pie. Giving some to me doesn't mean she needs to take some away from someone else. Is there another conversation that needs to be had with her? If so what should we say? Am I doing too damn much? I wish I could say something to her biological mother, but I know it come off smug instead of the concern that it is. Because as much as I know their relationship is not good for H, I wish it was. She has a 6 month old and is pregnant. She asked H to lie and hide both pregnancies. I feel like this is related?TL;DR I've raised my 8 year old stepdaughter as my own for 3 years with no pressure to see me as anything more then I am and now she is calling her mother by her first name. Should we be concerned, and if so what do we say or do? Dad has primary care, mom is unfortunately toxic and neglectful. She is having more kids, 6 mo and pregnant again. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/37Vc92K