My husband casually asked me how many days I’d be comfortable with our girls (4 yo and 10mo currently) by myself with him going to Hawaii for a work conference with his best friend, who he’s also partnered with. I told him “At this point in time? 3 days.” I was being honest. Our 4 year old is an incredibly energetic and silly kiddo and our baby is pretty high maintenance (only lets me or husband hold her, won’t take bottles, won’t sleep on her own, cries like a banshee, won’t tolerate car rides for longer than ten minutes, wakes up a lot, and isn’t napping great atm). A few days later husband texts me from work a very casual “We’re talking the Hawaii trip and looking at this date through this date. Sound okay?” It was a total of six days. I said I didn’t know he was seriously thinking about going and somehow he just doubled the days I said I would be comfortable with. I asked if we could talk about it when he got home because it’s not something I want to discuss through texting. We didn’t discuss it immediately, but a couple nights later I brought it up. I know we’ll be in a different place in five months, but I don’t know what that place looks like. I have pretty bad PPA. He knows this. This is a conference that happens yearly. It’s not mandatory. I thought he’d for sure go next year, but I didn’t think he would try to attend this year. Also, I found out today that it’s one day of conference, and the rest of the time is vacation. He sees how stressed I am by the time he gets home. I laid it out pretty openly saying “I want you to go, but I also don’t know where we’ll be at that time and I don’t want to resent you for going on a vacation while I’m drowning at home. I couldn’t sit on a beach and relax knowing you were overloaded. This is a lot to ask of me right now.” (He has to book soon to reserve). We’re kind of at a stalemate. I feel like he’s forcing me into saying yes or won’t take no for an answer. He says our moms can drive up and help. Both are a lot of work when they are here and will add to the stress level. He says the girls will be fine- I know they will. But I worry I may not. My husband has never done an alone night with our oldest. I have on multiple occasions for multiple days with just one baby and I was flat out barely making it. And she was the easier of the two. Parents- I don’t know what to do. I know there are single parents out there who do this. I know there are military families who do this (my dad was military). I’m not trying to come off as spoiled because my circumstances are easier than some others. I am truly concerned about my mental, physical, and emotional capabilities to mother my girls while he is gone and I can’t come up for air. I feel like I’m a horrible mom when I get overwhelmed. Not to mention we moved to our new city a year ago and I still have no idea about it because of covid and not properly getting to explore. I know no one here so I don’t know who I would call if I felt overwhelmed. It’s November so quite a ways out, but I’m already stressing hard and kind of hurt that he’s pushing me into being comfortable with him taking this vacation at this point with our girls this age. Am I being ridiculous? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3viZUGy
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