I’m sorry this is long, I’m a writer.I am 28 years old and my husband is 29. We have 2 boys, age 10 that we had as teenagers, and age 5 we had in our early 20’s. Neither baby we were prepared for. We had crappy jobs that made us unhappy, we lived in an old worn down rental home in our small dead end town. We got by with the support of our families, and a whole lotta luck. I’ve never planned for a baby. Never prayed for a baby. Never nested for a baby. Never felt excited for a baby. Well I mean, I was excited, but so far in over my head that it felt more like “oh shit we’re having a baby” more than anything. We were in debt, living pay check to paycheck, getting late notices for every bill, driving broken down cars, stressed constantly.Since our youngest was born we have made huge strides in our lives. My husband has joined the trades, become licensed, makes good money that supports us. I have been at my job for over 6 years, moving up, make decentish money, we do alright for ourselves.But the consequences for our past recklessness still surrounds us. We are unable to qualify for a decent home loan right now due to our low credit scores we’re still building up. We pay huge interest on our car loans, we still rent our home. It’s a nice home, in a nice area of town, but it’s not ours. The thing is, we can afford the things we have. We can now make all of our payments without faulting, we don’t have to think twice about what we need to buy or when our next paycheck is coming in, we travel, our kids are smart and sweet and happy. We live comfortably, we just don’t own our home.We could afford another baby. We wouldn’t go broke, or starve, or miss out on things, our other children wouldn’t suffer, we can afford a baby. We can afford the things a baby needs. We can afford daycare. We can afford for me to take some time off work.But my husband thinks if we have another baby, it’ll push back any chance we have of building a better future for ourselves. It’ll hurt our chances of saving money. Buying a home. Retiring at a decent age. He really just thinks a 3rd baby will be the end of it all.But I see it as “look how far we’ve come since having our first 2? We didn’t let having kids stop us from doing anything. They just pushed us to want more! Pushed us to do better for ourselves!!”Who decided that being homeowners is the prerequisite for having children? That if I don’t own my own property it makes me less worthy of having a big family. “You can’t have kids! You can’t get a home loan!”Buuut, I want to be on the same page as my husband. I want to have the same goals that he has. I don’t want to just keep popping out children without any care for what it’ll do to us. I just don’t see how a 3rd child is going to change the course of our lives. We’ve done so much already, made such major growth, that I don’t see how having just one more is going to hold us back from moving forward. I think we will still keep moving forward.I just want one last opportunity to cherish a pregnancy, to inhale that sweet newborn smell, to anticipate a birth, to nest for baby. My first 2 pregnancies were stressful, and scary, and rushed, and our lives were a mess. And now that we’re finally able to do it right, to actually be HAPPY about a baby on the way, to really look forward to all the things I used to be so scared of, he doesn’t want to. Because he thinks it’ll hold us back. I feel robbed. I feel sad.Can anybody relate to this? Can anybody tell me anything that’ll make me feel better? I’m done having children and I didn’t even know it. It all went so fast and blurry and now that I can slow down a feel it, he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Does anybody have any advice for me or been in a similar situation or can even relate just a tiny bit. I don’t know what my goal was for posting this, just want to feel heard. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36Iu1x9
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