I'm a mid-40's dad of two teen daughters. My eldest is 17 and going to college (dorm) very soon. Our relationship with her has been rocky the last couple of years, especially during the pandemic when life froze. She has been mad at us for being too strict and for being too controlling.As a background, my wife and I come from traditional families, where we are expected to respect our elders, focus on our studies, treat people with respect. There was always time for fun and space to grow, but not without limits and responsibilities.This doesn't align with what my daughter thinks is acceptable. She says that we are strict, and that we're controlling her. Part of this is because she compares herself to what her friends are able to do. I can't comment on other parents, since clearly we're not the best parents as well. However, there seem to be very few limits and rules with her friends.Some examples of our rules or limits:- Giving her a curfew when going out with friends, and asking where they're going and who she'll be with.- Asking her why her grades are low, and if work is missing, asking her to work with her teacher to make it up.- Cleaning up after herself, helping around the house.- Asking her to prioritize her extracurricular activities, so she won't be overworked.I must admit that we're persistent, which she says is "nagging" her. We've lost our cool before and yelled at her during arguments. We haven't been perfect parents and in hindsight I hope we could've stayed more calm and have more patience.At the moment, she has a high amount of hatred for us. She has told us many times that she doesn't care about our family, and hates my wife and I. I feel very hurt and devastated that she has doesn't show us any amount of respect, yelling at us, cursing. Many times we've been ignored or hung up on.She has been going to counseling to help with depression, and my wife and I have gone as well separately, to help us deal. But it seems like she tells her counselor one thing, then acts completely different in real life.She's moving to college shortly and told us that she doesn't want anything to do with us. That she won't come home, and she doesn't need us. Yet, we're footing the tuition and housing costs which are quite heavy since it's a private school.I'm so sorry for the rambling message. I don't know if I'm even explaining this completely. I'm just so lost and so hurt and don't really have anyone to talk to about this.What are we doing wrong? Is there still hope for us to mend this relationship? I'm terribly afraid that we'll lose connection with our daughter. She already doesn't talk to us while living at home. What more when she moves out?It feels like I'm losing a daughter. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/37ZnwH2
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