I need some guidance/parenting advice or some resources to help me out because I'm at my wits end.Tonight my son (11m) had a massive emotional meltdown. His doctor, school counselor, and literally everyone who has observed his behavior (those listed and many other behaviors as well) are convinced that he has ADHD. He just started a new medication and we are learning how to handle situations from and ADHD perspective. His mom and I are divorced and have been for about 5 years. We are still friends though and we try so hard to be good co-parents. We don't believe in yelling or spanking. We try to explain things and involve he and his brother in the conversations. As them questions like "How do you think we can fix the problem?" and things like that. I also have ADHD and was only recently diagnosed. Been living with it my whole life and had no idea.Okay, that was the basic background, now onto the events of tonight. On numerous occasions we've had to have discussions about lying and being deceptive. He constantly hides candy and sneaks it in his room so he can snack on it when he's supposed to be sleeping. He sneaks toys and books. Sometimes he'll stay awake until midnight or 1 am just messing around when he's supposed to be sleeping. During the day he struggles with listening, staying on task, or simply finishing a task. Obviously these are text-book ADHD symptoms, but after tonight I've reached the end of my rope in trying to figure out the best way to get through to him.We had a fairly good day. We played Fortnite together and enjoyed the recent Live Event. Then we went to town and enjoyed the local parade of lights. Got a bag full of candy. Earlier in the day I had to once again have a brief discussion about lying and consequences. I don't remember why that one came up, but later during the parade I had to (calmly) tell him not to be stashing candy in his pockets and to make sure and put it in the candy bag. But while we were leaving in the car he started munching on a piece of candy that he stashed. I even told he and his brother that they'd both get to have a couple pieces of candy when we got home. I once again calmly, but a little more firmly, reiterate why it's important not to hide things like that.Flash forward to later in the evening, everything was going smoothly until, once again, bedtime rolled around. We always let the kids lie in bed and read before lights out. While my oldest son was reading I was upstairs and I very clearly heard the sound of a candy wrapper and swooped to his room. I took the candy from him and, yet we had another conversation about hiding things, being deceptive, and I even including a little tidbit about how eating the candy when he's supposed to be sleeping defeats the purpose brushing your teeth before bed because that sugar sits on your teeth all night. I was a little more firm with him than I was the last time. I could feel my patience slipping and tried to end it as quickly as I could so I could have a moment to calm myself. I told him it was time for lights out and that I was going to let his mom know about the candy and deception when she got home. He seemed genuinely concerned about that so I figured maybe he finally got the hint. However, I also was starting to lose my cool and added that I was done with the deception and sneaking things he wasn't supposed to have and lying about it and told him if he did it again he wasn't going to get any Christmas presents from me and he'd have to earn them back. Hug and kiss and then lights out.I went upstairs and was just hanging out waiting for his mom to get home and during that time, twice I had to go downstairs and take toys away from him. Then at about 8:30pm I hear him come up stairs. He wants a hug. By now I was thoroughly annoyed but I don't denying my kid a hug when he asks for one so I gave him his hug, told him I loved him, and then firmly told him to got back to bed. Not. Even. A. Full. Minute. Later... He comes hopping up the steps saying he needs my help.... He tied the toe ends of his socks together into a knot and couldn't get it untied. What he TOLD me was that he was just "messing with a string on his sock" and that's how they became tied.Now I was mad. Actually mad. I had done everything I could to stay calm. I've been trying to stay calm for the last two years since the behavior started to become a problem. I firmly, but kind of meanly, demanded he sit down, I yanked the socks off his feet and told him to back to bed. As I was trying to untie the knot. I couldn't get it. He somehow got it so tight that I couldn't pull the socks apart... I snapped. I lost it. That knot became the straw that broke this camels back. I ended up storming downstairs and I started cussing. I still wasn't yelling, but I most certainly was not being nice about it. When I confronted him I told him there was no way that just "messing with a string" would result in a giant knot like that. The knot was clearly intentional. He tried to say it was an accident. Clearly a knot like that doesn't happen by accident. The fact he was lying about it only made me even more angry and I couldn't handle it anymore. I told him that I wasn't going to help him with the knot. I told him he was going to deal with the knot in the morning and that he wouldn't get to do anything else until he fixed his own knot and that I was going to have his mom let me know when it was done.As is to be expected he lost it too. He started crying a lot. He kept trying to close his door after I left the room and kept piling things in front of it. So I ended having to go down again and make him get off the floor and into his bed. He got mad and started throwing his used snotty tissues at me. I walked away. His mom came home and I told her about everything that had happened tonight. Our son was still awake downstairs and listening to the conversation. His mom went downstairs and had to make him get in the bed. He threw tissues at her and was pushing her (not hard). At one point he even angrily told her to "Die!!".She said she's never seen him this angry and neither have I. I have no idea how to deal with his behavior. I feel like nothing I say is getting through to him. I can see him developing a lot of the same bad ADHD habits that I grew up with except I don't know how to deal with it either because I myself am only recently learning about it. I feel like an ass because I lost my cool and I didn't even get to apologize because he refused to even look at me. I ended up leaving and coming home with nothing being resolved and feeling like a failure of a father. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3dqncDy
No comments:
Post a Comment