I wish somebody would've told me.

I wish someone would've told me that if I had a son, that one day he may be naked all day, and on one of those naked days, he may plant his bare ass on my forehead as revenge because I didn't get up fast enough for dessert. I wish someone would've told me that my little adorable girl, the one everyone says looks like a baby doll, the cutie with a dimple in her cheek, would stick her fingers in her diaper/butt and then shove those same exact fingers up my nose. I wish someone would've told me that after watching the same Blippi video about excavators five thousand times, that you'd start to think that maybe this innocent guy from Washington or wherever is actually the antichrist. I wish someone would've told me that from now on, when you eat, there will be no peace. All food is for grabs. Is it the same food your kids are eating? They don't give a shit. It tastes better when they steal it off your plate. But don't steal their food because if you do, it'll be like you unleashed a miniature Smaug in your home and you'll be apologizing for decades.Also, I will never pick up ALL of the cheerios on the floor. There will always be one that I'll step on and wonder where tf it came from. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3ibmjiy